Dude and Lamont Ponder the Bear Necessities

“Sleep? I’ll tell you about sleep. You go to bed in your favorite cave and wake up to find parasites stuck to your front.”

“What are you talking about, Lamont?”

“Being a bear. That was a strange iteration if there ever was one.”

“You were a bear? Where was I?”

“I don’t know. I don’t remember seeing you around anywhere that time. You might’ve been something simple, like a berry bush or an insect, no idea.”

“Hmmm. Or I could have sat that one out or been in a different part of the world?”

“That’s a good question. It seems we’ve always been in the northern hemisphere.”

“That’s true. I hadn’t thought of it. Well, maybe I was on the other side of the world that time?”


“So what does sleep mean to you Lamont?”

“It means I’m not awake, Dude. Some animals are really good at it like sloths and such. House cats, I hear, are good at sleeping.”

“Do you remember being a giant tree sloth?”

“I wasn’t a giant tree sloth.”

“Bear sloth I mean. My bad.”

“I wasn’t a bear sloth, Dude. I was a mastodon.”

“That interval went on a while. Did you like it? I liked it a lot. It was easy to get around, hard to get warm sometimes, but easy to get around. I mean we went to Moscow.”

“There was no Moscow. The world was a giant Gulag, Dude.”

“It was cold, that’s true, but hey.”


“Never mind. Either you liked it or you didn’t. When you were a bear, you were a female then.”

“Yeah. Every year sometime in the middle of winter, these strange beings would attach themselves to my front and spend quite a long time there. I was always glad when spring finally arrived and we could get out.”

“Those were cubs, Lamont.”

“I know they were cubs, Dude. But at first… You’ve never been a mama bear?”

“I was Goldilocks once.”


4 thoughts on “Dude and Lamont Ponder the Bear Necessities

  1. Welcome to Swizerland Lamont. The news people filmed you yesterday when you was bearing around in the Eastern part of Switzerland. They are still examining where you came from and now I know. The 0 Responses blog was guilty. I am glad they have not shot you – yet.

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