Lamont and Dude Exchange Wise, Old Saws


“So what do you think, Lamont? What would you advise me never to do?”

“I’m trying not to say something snarky.”

“‘Snarky’? You’re using ‘snarky’ now?”

“Yeah, I know, right? Seriously, Dude. I don’t think we make that many actual decisions about what we do. Seems most of my lives I’ve done whatever came along to be done.”

“So you believe in fate?”

“Not in that sense, but…”

“Predestination, then?”

“Yeah, I guess. We’re born a certain species and not others, right? We’re born in a certain time of history and not others, right? We’re born a certain gender and…”

“OK, Lamont. Got you there. What about Caitlin Jenner? It changed itself from male to female.”

“Doing a ‘Caitlyn Jenner’ doesn’t change how we were born and how we cope with it. Besides, Jenner didn’t choose to be transexual. He just chose (because his life had given him the means to choose it) what to do about it but, in my book, he’s not a woman. ‘She’ seems to think being a woman is a matter of clothes and external superficialities like breasts; ‘she’ll’ never know what it’s like to be embarrassed over developing breasts before the other girls, or what it’s like to get her first period, to anguish over pregnancy in ANY dimension — and there’s a wide range of anguish possible there —  or a million other things that come with being born female. Back in the 70s — even today — women didn’t have the opportunities in athletics that made Jenner a champion and a star and set him on the road to surgery, silicone and stilettos.”

“Yeah, right? If Jenner had been female? She would have taken HELL just for being so tall! Imagine the Jolly Green Giant jokes!”

“No kidding. The pity of it is, all Jenner is going to get of the female experience is the experience of being an old woman. I don’t know why he/she waited so long to make this ‘choice’. He’d have had a lot more fun if he’d done it sooner…that’s what makes me wonder about it.”

“Maybe that’s the part of his ‘choice’ that took courage.”

“No shit, Dude. There are so many things like that — how tall we are — connected with our identities that we don’t control that ‘choice’ is always relevant. We are born into the realm of certain possibilities, not others. Much of who we are and what we choose is already ‘chosen’ before we even enter stage right. What if Jenner had been born in 1849 instead of 1949? Or in Thailand instead of America? Being transsexual isn’t as weird to the Thais.”

“So everything really WAS ‘meant to be’.”

“I don’t think there’s any divine entity up there driving our lives. Nothing happens because it was ‘meant’ to. It’s just that a lot of what happens in our lives is unavoidable.

“You don’t mean we don’t make ANY choices in our lives, do you?”


“Well, what would you advise someone NOT to choose that you’ve chosen?”

“That’s my point. I can’t tell how something will turn out for someone else. I couldn’t even tell how those bad choices would turn out for me — they might’ve been fine given different circumstances and if I were someone else.”

“Wow. So you’re not accountable for your mistakes?”

“Oh Dude, come on. We’re all called to account for our mistakes. We have to fix the messes we make. But just because something’s a mistake for US doesn’t make it a mistake for everyone.”

“I get your point. Like that time we died in the Tarpits. It COULD’VE been a real pond right?”

“No, that really WAS stupid, but you were a tiger and I was a mastodon and it really did look like water. I guess I could advise people to ‘look before they leap’, but what if they’re being chased — as I was — by a deadly predator? How much thinking goes on in circumstances like that?”

“I think a lot of the dumb decisions we beings make are made like that, you know, in the heat of some kind of emotional chaos.”

“I think so too, Dude. ‘Marry in haste; repent at leisure’ type thing.”

“You’re full of wise saws this morning, Lamont.”

(Click here to enjoy more of the adventures of Dude and Lamont)

11 thoughts on “Lamont and Dude Exchange Wise, Old Saws

  1. I have never heard of Caitlin Jenner, but it happens everywhere. I remember a girl, a neighbour’s daughter, who attended school with my step children many years ago. Years later her grandmother died and it was in the newspaper with the names of the grieving relatives. Suddenly there was a grandson with the name of Claude. I met a colleague and asked where the other sister was. Claude was now the name of the sister, she decided to change after she left school. this I actually found sensible, because that girl was probably not meant to be a girl. Apparently she had a partner and was doing well.

    • Bruce Jenner was an Olympic swimming champion and was then in a bunch of movies. He was married to a model and had a bunch of children with her. Then he married the former Mrs. Kardashian and had some children with her. Then this year he let everyone know he’d always wanted to be a woman. The guy is 65 so in a way it’s kind of sad… Americans are so odd (IMO) and they made a LOT out of Jenner’s “courageous choice.” I think it’s all pretty boring but it fit Dude and Lamont’s conversation this morning.

    • Barb just set me straight on Jenner. He was even cooler than a swimmer; he was a decathlete… That’s like the Reinhold Messner of Olympic sports… I should remember that but…

  2. Not swimming, set the world record in the decathlon. The Everyman of Olympic Athletes. Got on the Wheaties box too. But I know what you mean about height. In my stocking feet I’m 5’11” and I usually wore heels in the old days. I don’t know how many times I was called Big Bird or something equally obnoxious. But two inch heels look ridiculous at the bottom of 35″ legs, so I tended to wear 3 or 4 inch heels. Made even tall men look a little small. When you’re female and an inch and a half taller than the average American male let alone over 7 inches taller than the average American woman, like can suck.At least she became a woman at a time when tall women (like the WBA) are now beginning to stand out for good reasons.

    • My bad. I confused him with various other extremely handsome guys of the time. 😉 My step-daughter-in-law is 6’3″ luckily my step-son is 6’7″. I was tall for 6th grade and took a lot of crap for being the tallest kid in the school from 3rd grade through 7th. But that’s when I peaked. Now I get to hear about Randy Newman’s song about short people…

      • I got to walk into my high school commencement last because we had an uneven number of students and more girls than boys so the last three groups were female. As the tallest girl in my class, again by several inches, I stuck out solo at the back of the line. I’m glad I’m not 6’3″. I have enough trouble getting pants long enough for me at this height.

  3. I’m happy for Bruce/Caitlyn if that’s what she wants, but for goodness sake! I thought at first she might have agreed to the publicity as a service to others with the same dilemma, but now it’s looking like making sure the ‘old woman’ is a rich old woman. (Yes, shame on my cynicism, but really!)

  4. When I started working in college radio (I was 16), my first interview assignment was to talk to a minor start who’d just had a full sex-change thing. I don’t even remember his/her name. Pretty much the only thing I wanted to know, being 16 and sex being much on my mind, was “does it work?”

    Apparently it does work. Design-wise, it’s pretty uch a penis turned concave, a vagina that works the way men think it ought to work. None of the inconvenient clitoris stuff. Just thought you’d like to know.

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