Yesterday was one of those days when I felt like the kid in the class with the answer to the teacher’s question but, from the front desk up there, I was invisible. “Me! Me!” Me!” waving my hand frantically, “ME!!! Teacher! ME!!!!” The importance to this analogy ISN’T the teacher or having the answer. It’s the feeling of invisibility.
In a certain sense, you’re invisible when you’re not acknowledged when you should be (or want to be), but silence seems to be the way people deal with things these days. I’ve encountered it more and more often in the past 10 years. I don’t like saying disappointing stuff to people, I don’t like confrontation, but sometimes it’s necessary and very often it’s better to step up and say, “Sorry,” or “No,” or “We messed up.”
Yesterday a local landscaping company was was supposed to drop a ton of dirt in my driveway at 9. They set the date and the time, not me. I just agreed. I figured, given the nature of life here, it would be more like 10. Noon rolled around, no phone call and no dirt. I cancelled. It’s their loss, but…
Historical Fiction Virtual Book Tours has STILL maintained silence over what’s going on with my $140. The tour was scheduled to END yesterday, and it hasn’t even started. I first contacted Amy Bruno, the director of this book tour site, last fall. She seemed enthusiastic, communicative, charming and and and set up a tour at the end of October and I paid — promptly.
Nothing happened. Ms. Bruno was unresponsive to every message I sent. Sure, I wanted a blog tour, but if it couldn’t happen, I would be happy with my money back, even if she deducted some for the work she did. $140 isn’t small change to me. I emailed and asked that the thing be cancelled and requested that she send back my money. She responded to that, saying she understood and would refund me ASAP. Two months passed; no refund. I then learned from Teddy Rose (a blog tour coordinator par excellance who works with a wide network of book bloggers and blog tour directors) that Amy had problems in her personal life, and as I believe in offering grace when I can, I told Amy to keep the money and suggested that we could run a tour in spring 2017 when her life got easier. She agreed. She set up a new tour for April 17 – May 5. I was very hopeful that this time it would happen.
It didn’t. I contacted her by email and Twitter to find out what was going on. She “Tweeted” back, “I’m emailing you.” No email, Nothing. Silence. I’m pissed.
The silence is what I’m most pissed at.
Is it so hard to pick up the phone and say, “Hey lady, we don’t have enough trucks to bring your dirt today? How’s next week sometime? We’ll call you when we’re ready.” I’d probably be cool with that — and if I were not then, at least I’d be able to say, “Sorry Dude, I need dirt now. Thanks anyway and I really appreciate your calling me to let me know!” I’d want to do bidness with them in the future. Instead, I was compelled to call, complain and cancel. I don’t like ANY of those activities. They lost money and a customer.
Same with Historical Fiction Virtual Book Tours! I’d rather hear, “Martha, no one wants to read your book” or “I’m having a hard time getting it going in time. What would you like to do?” than hear NOTHING until finally I’m aggrieved and feel that the only way to reach her is to leave a scathing comment on her webpage, which now I have done. Did I want to? No. But this makes no sense to me. Running blog tours is her livelihood. I don’t want to mess with that, but
Ultimately, I went to a local nursery and paid as much for half as much dirt as I would have paid for the ton, but it’s enough. I got to haul 500 pounds of soil into my back yard using the new wheelbarrow. I set up a wildflower garden half the size I’d planned. I have soil left over for another, for tomatoes and basil (my Caprese kit).
The blog tour is just something I’m going to have to write off, though I’m angry. I HATE being angry. Anger is an awful emotion that erodes happiness almost like no other. At least in sorrow you can find melancholy beauty and write tragical poems, but anger? I guess the only thing for me to do is get out there and move more dirt.
“Summer is the season of inferior sledding” - Inuit proverb 
Oh man I am so sorry you had to deal with all of that nonsense. I understand where you’re coming from. Sometimes you don’t want to be mean because it is these people’s livelihood but when they’re messing with your livelihood it becomes a different story. I wonder how half of these people even still have a business! I hope things cheer up for you from this point on! 🙂
Today is already better! Thanks Nel! 🙂
I think their silence is probably a reflection of their discomfort with a confrontation as well. It is easier for them to just not perform the service rather than facing up to the fact that they have made a mistake. They don’t realize that, if they are up front with you, they would actually avoid the confrontation they are dreading.
Yep. The irony is that the silence pushes me into a corner where I become confrontational. And, generally, I am not confrontational at all. Oh well. We don’t control other people…
Angry is a destructive emotion and it has take ME a long time to find ways around it. NOT always possible. Yes, the “silence” does seem to be “the new way” of dealing with things, especially among contractors. My granddaughter is mistress of the silence, then pops up looking for money for something … but it’s not working EVEN for her anymore. It seems like the more devices we get with which to communicate, the less we communicate. When all we had was an old telephone, we used it or we went round and said “gee, I’m sorry” or we sent a note. Now? It’s that emptiness.
With contractors, it is standard practice. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve contracted to get something delivered or worked on and no one shows up. No call. Nobody. Nothing. If you haven’t seen it, watch “The Money Pit.” It’s about contractors and old houses — Tom Hanks, Shelly Long, et al and very funny … depending on what stage you are in with your house, that is. Apparently it isn’t me or you. It’s a “thing.”
And no, I don’t understand it. You know how many time I went for three days of interviews for a job followed by not so much as a post card telling me it had gone to someone else? Talk about “black hole” syndrome!
Silence is also the new rejection letter. It was a LOT better to send the SASE and get the little note back. I guess it is more work to email authors back, but still. My niece is also a great utilizer of silence. I yelled at her last time she called and said, “You know, I don’t do this any more. I don’t let people I love treat me badly any more.” And I don’t. I have written her off (conditionally, of course). OH well!!!
This is what I call the english illness. No-one every calls when they should in England, and appointments are either not kept, forgotten, or postponed. If someone says 9.00 in the morning it might happen on the same day in the evening, but only might. It doesn’t happen in Switzerland – sorry, we are not perfect, but even if they have a stupid obviously excuse that is a lie, you hear something somewhere. In London if you get an appointment at the hospital, you can be sure that it will not happen on time, but a few hours later. I am so sorry about your book deal because it is not only inconvient, but in a way just plain robbery. The gardeners got what they deserved, a lost customer, but your earth has still not happened. Life is so frustrating sometimes.
Yep, it can be very frustrating. But I’m undaunted (so far…)
…and so tend to your garden… Well done.😎
Got a raised bed for tomatoes put in today. 🙂 Tending away.
How can anyone be angry with/at tomatoes? Just at those little buggers! 😄
the Old Farmer’s Almanac says there is no good time to plant tomatoes where I live. I’ve grown them every year I’ve lived here and so does everyone else. We’re all about the impossible…
So glad you just went for it without that soil company. You got the job done. Don’t feel bad because if we allow this to go on, it will just get worse. Customers are being treated without any respect these days. Sorry to hear about the failed blog tour. That is something that should never happen. Geez!
Thank you, Beatrice. Yeah, I’m over it now. Mostly. The soil, anyway. 🙂