The Perils of a Clean House

“God fucking dammit!”

I struggle to orient myself to a sitting position. WHAT did I fall over? There’s NOTHING there!!! Bear comes in, sniffs around. “I’m OK.” But I’m not. No, My chest/side hurts INCREDIBLY. I get up. This is NOT good. Did I break a rib? Bruise a rib? I immediately start researching what that would feel like. Yeah, it feels like that. But it also feels like a pulled oblique or one of the little muscles between the ribs. I have no idea.

“I do not need this,” I think. “What if I can’t have my surgery next week?” NEXT WEEK? Holy fucking shit. (I’m prone to cursing in just this unimaginative way. My dad tried to teach me better, but he wasn’t around long enough to finish the job.)

I have a doc appt tomorrow, anyway. Pre op tests. If it’s still hurting like this, I’ll ask for an x-ray. Dammit.

I curse the vacuum (it isn’t working right, anyway) and put it away. I go about my day — already somewhat in slow motion, now in very slow motion. It would feel really, really good to have an old fashioned temper tantrum, the kind I had as a kid, that ended in being sent to my room where I could dissolve in tears on my bed and go to sleep and get awakened for supper. “Have you calmed down? Do you want supper?” I never was a sulker. More your raging tiger.

But those days are over and my mom was right. “Don’t be in such a hurry to grow up. You’ll be a grown up for a long time. You’re only a kid for a little while.”

34 thoughts on “The Perils of a Clean House

    • You just don’t want THEM telling you want to do. No one tells you that even after they’re GONE their voices remain in your head… Grrrr….

  1. How interesting, because when I see a kid in the grocery store having a full-on fit, I always am a bit jealous, because I wish I could get away with behaving like that. I am sure I would feel a lot better about things, if I could. Hope your side is okay!!!!

  2. Phew, glad you’re better. I looked after this little girl a couple of times, she was given to throwing herself on the floor and screaming until she was red in the face. I wouldn’t give in and give her money for a pony ride. I was shocked at first, then looked at her went hmm, and kept walking. It didn’t take long before she jumped up and came running after my kids and I looking thoroughly embarrassed because it didn’t work. lmao Yep, I never threw one of those, god forbid!

    • I never threw one of those kicking and screaming on the floor, but I had my own style. The way I’ve seen it, there are the passive aggressive sulkers, the straight-up honest temper tantrum throwers who get over it, and people who are just easy-going. I was the second. Now, I think I’m the third even though a good temper tantrum would feel good once in a while. ❤

  3. God, I am choking as I say this, but mom was right.

    Hope you feel better, Martha. ‘Can’t operate on her busted hip ’cause she busted a rib.’ !!!!!!!

  4. I feel with you. Speaking as a broken leg recoverer, I notice that the body does try to mend stuff. I am accident prone and have a tumble and fall and a knock now and again, but the first day it is bad, you are permanently injured for life. The second day, it still hurts, but you can move it, the third day it gets colourful and the fourth day it only hurts when you move it in a peculiar way. Bear up Martha, you will have your 20 Karat hip replacement I am sure next week. These things are sent to try us (so my mum always said).

  5. Ouch! #*!!!**# Glad you are feeling better today. Do you know about arnica? Homeopathic (meaning its mainly the energy imprint of the original substance) Some think it phony, I find it very helpful in reducing bruising and soreness after a fall, injury, etc. Could help now with your rib now and postoperatively. I also like that it doesn’t fight with prescription meds. Comes in both topical and oral (little pellets) forms.

    I Lucy am sorry you are hurt, Martha and hope you feel better soon. Its best to avoid the sucker blower (aka vacuum cleaner) completely, they are very dangerous. Your friend, Lucy.

  6. I broke a rib the year before last, my garden chair collapsed under me (a knot in the wood had weakened it) went to A&E ..accident and emergency. …told it was broken but they could not do anything except give me pain killers. Had to sleep pillowed up, very painful! Hope you feel better soon xx

  7. “God fucking dammit!” I’m so sorry you fell and hurt yourself — a tantrum is well in order right now, and will help when you get to surgery next week! Glad it’s better today — hopefully you just bruised a muscle!

  8. This one. so real and funny. I totally get that feeling of being scared beyond reason of what’s coming but pretending your fine because it’s inevitable and it’s for the best and all that. Makes the mind fuzzy and less aware of vacuum cleaners in our path. You got this. don’t let the thought of housecleaning get in your way.

    • Exactly. I’m fine and NOT fine at the same time. It has surreal elements. Fortunately, the ribs are healing and I can laugh again without it being a total crucifixion. Just a partial one :p

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