Infectious Rigidity

We humans get set in our ways. My attachment to some things I do is almost superstitious, maybe a sign of incipient OCD, or an unconscious longing for ritual. Last night as I was slammed to sleep (Percocet), I had a couple of seconds to think about the changes in my life wrought by the hip replacement. Changes that have NOTHING to do with the hip, mobility, pain. Sometimes you have to let go. And there you are, doing things differently.

Until this, I had never given anyone — let alone myself — an injection.  Tracing the circle of injection points around my belly button I can see how much better I am at it now than I was a week ago. Yay blood thinner.

PJs, I hate them. Have not slept in the damned things since high school. Now I’m sleeping in a purple satin night shirt. Not because of IT per se, but because it’s slippery on the sheets making getting in and out of bed easier. I don’t even mind it. My objection to Pjs is that they get tangled around one’s body when one tosses and turns, but, as I’m sleeping locked in place at this point, that problem is solved.

I’m an inveterate side sleeper now sleeping on my back.

Privacy. I’m neurotic about some things that are part of being an animal on planet earth. I’ve spent the last week without one bit of that and so what?

I even went one morning without coffee, and didn’t die as a result.

A more profound change — and thinking about it brings a lump to my throat — I’m very very very very self-reliant. Now, here I am reaching out to friends for help. The result? A crystaline, icy casing of fear cracks, breaks, falls. The little being inside steps out, looks around, dazed and hesitant, but there’s no going back. ❤

12 thoughts on “Infectious Rigidity

  1. Its amazing how we do adapt. I resonate with so many of these points–PJs, sleeping positions, needing and accepting help, developing skills we never wanted to have. So many surprises.

  2. I remember having to learn to sleep on my back. I still have trouble doing it, but sometimes, it’s the only way I can sleep at all. I actually remember almost exactly the same process. When you have no choice, your learning curve sure does speed up 😀

  3. It is the long, arduous road to recovery that teaches you many things. (Many of them you thought you’d learned years ago–like how to put on socks.) I too could not sleep on my back. I still prefer side sleeping, but, now can only tolerate it on the left hip which is still my original hardware. I hope you can find some comfortable position to be waited on hand and foot…and hip. Be patient…and a good one…until you can fend for yourself again.

    • Thank you. It’s been amazing so far. I have to remind myself to be careful and follow the precautions. I’m really glad I did all the working out ahead of the game. I just wish I knew when my dogs could come home. I miss them and feel like I’ve abandoned them, but it would be insane to have them around now. The swelling has been a drag, but it’s starting to go down. I know I should have paid attention to the date on your blog post but I didn’t. When was your surgery?

      • I thought my surgery was 2016…but a quick look back says it was three years ago. April 2015. Hard to believe three years have come and gone. I remember the recovery seemed to take forever. (I’m impatient by nature.) Still, I get not liking the incapacity. But, at least you have made your situation tolerable, even if you miss your doggies. I’m sure they will give you extra slobbery love when you are back together. Something to look forward to.

        • I have visited the dogs once, and I can do that again. I can maybe even go out to the kennel and take a walk with them and the kennel owner. I know they know somewhere inside what’s going on with their person.

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