Lamont’s Audience of Skeptics

“It’s impossible to remember all that. He’s a total charlatan, a sham.”

“How do you know? It seems like real memories to me. He’s taken every polygraph test from here to the moon and none of them indicate there is the least deception in anything he says. Besides, why would he lie? Anyway, his friend remembers many of the same things.”

“Every mad man is convinced of his delusions and they often find followers, like his friend or YOU, for that matter. I don’t think that would register on a polygraph test. Be logical. How can a verbal being — such as a human — remember non-verbal lives?”

“Just because you don’t put words on something, or can’t, doesn’t mean the experience didn’t happen. Lots of people remember things from early childhood. And what about dogs? We teach them stuff all the time and they remember.”

“Yeah but we use words to teach dogs, stupid.”

“Cookies. We use cookies and punishment to teach dogs. Cookies are pleasurable experiences and punishment is the opposite. Dogs remember the experiences and connect the words to them. They’re not remembering words. They translate our words into a language that means something to them. Cookies = good. Punishment = bad. They decide on their own they’d rather have cookies.”

“I don’t know WHAT you’re trying to say.”

“Well, humans just think this language thing is SO great. People like you? You probably think that, in the beginning, was the word and after that reality appeared. Ludicrous. There’s a lot of reality beyond words, sweet-cheeks.”

“What are you doing? Get your hand OUT of there!!!”

“Just making a point.”

“Look, you don’t have to get all hot and bothered just because we don’t agree. We can talk this out and reach an agreement.”

“Consensus isn’t the same as truth, babe. ‘There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy’.”

“ARGGHH! You make me so mad!”

“Sssh. He’s on stage.”

“Well, I hope this is worth the $75 you paid to hear this fake.”



Lamont (and his pal, Dude) are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember past lives giving them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything. If you enjoyed this little vignette, just search “Lamont and Dude” to read dozens more absurdities such as this. 🙂

8 thoughts on “Lamont’s Audience of Skeptics

Comments are closed.