Bitter with the Sweet

“Things just happen in the right way, at the right time. At least when you let them, when you work with circumstances instead of saying, ‘This isn’t supposed to be happening this way,’ and trying harder to make it happen some other way.” ― Benjamin Hoff, The Tao of Pooh

I had all kinds of hopes when I moved here. I imagined hiking long mountain trails to pristine lakes and riding my bike on oh, wait, same thing. Even though I had to go thumbs down on two nice houses — one with stairs and another with a claw-footed bathtub I couldn’t climb into — I didn’t connect THOSE problems with the unlikelihood of my hiking long mountain trails to pristine lakes, etc.

It wasn’t long before those hopes shriveled. They grew again when I had my left hip replaced in 2018, but, they’ve retreated in the meantime. I was thinking yesterday how absurd it will be when I have two metal knees and two metal hips. I do not know if I will change my name to C3PO or not, but it’s something to think about.

Meanwhile I fight daily to keep moving. I was wondering yesterday as I rode the Sainted Bike To Nowhere where it gets me. Then my little brain said, “Where might you be WITHOUT it, Sweet Cheeks?” That was a good point. Where would I be? I’ve been fighting to sustain a life-long activity level. Humans can learn to like almost anything (as I’ve learned) and I actually LIKE riding the Sainted Bike to Nowhere. I wish I also had an elliptical, but I don’t have the money or the space.

I have no idea what the future holds, whether I’ll put my legs under some more knives and robots or what. I walk pretty well for now, and that’s the main point, for me anyway.

Last night I dreamed about the Big Empty, the surrounding fields flooded in the spring (irrigation) and the cranes and geese settling in for a while. I was standing on a road looking at it thinking how beautiful it was and how strange. It was — in the dream — as if I’d never seen it before. It was reminiscent of the first time I saw it. Then I thought, “If I could walk better, I probably would not have had any interest in this landscape or this place. Very likely, I would have missed it.”

The featured photo is the first photo on my phone. I took it the day I saw the Big Empty (Monte Vista Wildlife Refuge) for the first time, August 2, 2014.

18 thoughts on “Bitter with the Sweet

    • I think if we love something, and it’s part of who we are, we will find a way and end up grateful for the new way to be ourselves. I don’t like the pain and awkwardness, but I can still go and I can still see. Maybe the future will be better, but the present moment is fine.

  1. Seems your dream self is pretty good about reminding your waking self about what is important! Sparky comes from a family with a history of hip replacements – his Grandmother and Father. I’m pretty sure he will join them. At least the replacements are getting better every year!

    • They’re great and the procedure gets better all the time. I like mine very much. 🙂 The downside is rehab which is easier if you’re in good shape going in which is why people shouldn’t wait until their immobilized with pain. ❤

  2. “Gotta keep moving” is what my mother-in-law used to say. Now I get it. A stunning photo – I can see your love for your “place” in the world. And being grateful despite the physical challenges. Maybe the bike to nowhere really DID get you there. ❤️

  3. Pace doesn’t matter. It’s all about movement of any sort, and observation, finding what’s special wherever you are. Slowing down simply means you see more.

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