Morning Gossip of the Scarlet Emperor Beans

“I think she loves us, guys.”

“I KNOW she does. She SAYS so.”

“How many people do YOU know who name their bean plants?”

“Or stand around with them and tell them they’re beautiful?”

“Do you think she might be a little demented?”

“Possibly, but it doesn’t hurt anyone. And we are pretty amazing!”

“Look at everything growing down there. I never imagined when I was living in that one spot of light inside the house that we’d would grow like this!”

“Look at YOU Li Ho. You’re still kind of short, but you’re putting out a good effort there.”

“And Baby Bai Juyi!”

“What? I was sleeping.”

“You’re really growing, in ALL directions.”

“I have to catch up. I didn’t even get my poles in until last week.”

“I worry a little about Wang Wei out in the front yard, though.”

“Not a good place for a Scarlet Emperor Bean.”

“Not really, but he does get a lot more sunshine.”

“A dog might take a piss on him, though.”



“Oh look! Bees!!!!”

“Did you see her out here yesterday doing something with the squash?”



“Squash sex. They keep putting out female flowers and male flowers at different times. Finally little Schubert down there had a male and female together. She was making sure Schubert got pollinated. Liszt, though, he/she just doesn’t get it together.”

“Isn’t squash sex the bees’ job?”

“Bees, schmees. You never know if they’re going to make it at the right time. I saw one trying to pollinate that primrose when the flowers had already closed.”



“Don’t you love these hot days?”

“Fabulous. Look at the tomatoes! They’re going crazy down there!”

“Silly plants, but I guess they have their place.”

“Look sharp, guys. She ought to be out here soon with those two sycophantic creatures who are always making so much noise.”

21 thoughts on “Morning Gossip of the Scarlet Emperor Beans

  1. I do believe you have yourself a garden soap opera going on with all that gossip and sex talk. “As The Garden Grows” or “The Beans and the Beautiful.” Perhaps Wang Wei is actually socially distancing and will be the ultimate survivor…of a Survivor reality show. Great post Martha. Big laughs here. 🙂

  2. Very engaging read. Thanks. I shudder to think what my (few / random, non-planted) plants say about me. Salute!

  3. I nearly choked on my water when I got to the part about squash sex!! Sparky had to know what was so funny and I just couldn’t tell him!

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