Lamont and Dude Discuss Communication

“Lamont, remember how we met?”

“How could I ever forget that?”

“Stop laughing.”

“I’m sorry Dude, but it was pretty funny — or you were pretty funny — sitting up on that dune watching the ocean. I don’t even know if you surfed back in those days.”

“Of course I surfed.”

“Why are you asking, anyway?”

“I got an email this morning. From that woman.”

“The one who was supposed to be sending you a message in a bottle?”

“Yeah. Get this. ‘Dearest’.”

“Not a bad start.”

“No. A little much, but…”

“And THEN???”

“‘I am afraid to tell you this, because I know it will hurt your feelings, but I know you’re a resilient, stoical kind of guy, with a big heart and an understanding nature…”

“That’s a set up. You don’t need to read more, Dude. I’ve had my share of letters like that.”

“I don’t think so, Lamont. Just wait.”

“‘…but this letter in a bottle thing is absolutely absurd. It’s like you didn’t even want me to write to you. I know you maybe thought it was the height of romance, but seriously?’ There, Lamont. Is that what you were expecting?”

“No, not a lecture about the idiocy of letters in bottles. I thought she was going to dump you.”

“Oh, well, that happens later.”

“The letter in a bottle idea was YOURS???”

“I was young. I was foolish. I was in love.”

“Love is complicated and dangerous, Dude. You know that by now, right?”

“I was reading about the angler fish. God, I hope neither of us ever were or ever will be angler fish males. It’s sinister. Worse than black widows and mantids.”

One of those washed up on a beach not far from here a few days ago.”


“The question is why. They are pretty amazing creatures though, Dude. What a crazy design. It could only work in zero-gravity or a floating world. Sadly, I don’t remember any of my piscine iterations or even if I have had any. Do you?”

“How can you forget? Sometimes, Lamont, I don’t think you’re fully functional.”

“Oh, my bad. Sorry Dude, but you were one tasty salmon.”

Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years back. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything.

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