Lamont and Dude Discuss Anubis

“Lamont, did you see they found fossils proving there were once whales with legs?”

“Never happened.”

“Why not?”

“Dude, they have like five bones. You’re convinced with only five bones and a handful of teeth?”

“I think it’s more than that. They said he was ‘the God of death’.”

“I read that, too. I’ll give you the God of Death. It’s a microbe.”

“I think we can find the God of Death on all points of the God of Death spectrum, Lamont. You’re in a bad mood.”

“Not really. I’ve just lost my balance and fallen off my lofty perch of exalted philosophical equanimity.”

“I hate when that happens.”

“Yeah, no one likes it.”

“You want to go catch some waves?”

“Are you serious? The God of Death is out there using surfers as hors d’oeuvres.”

“Not here.”

“They will, believe me, when they’ve chomped down on all the other beaches.”

“Lamont, I’m worried about you. You want to head inland and maybe head north? Go fishing in some crystalline stream?”

“Fish for salmon? No, I don’t think so. The God of Death might trundle by and fight me for his food. It’s HIS food after all. You might think being a bear is easy, but it isn’t. Just because a bear is big and fierce and a top predator, doesn’t mean a bear always gets what he wants.”

“Do you have to bring up THAT memory? I was just there, a beautiful day, spawning with the rest of them — my first spawn! — and suddenly I’m in a bear’s jaws like a pretzel at a poker game.”

“Good analogy. Life is a poker game.”

“Lamont, is there ANYTHING I can do to cheer you up?”

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Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their previous incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything.

RDP Monday: SPOUT