Aretha Franklin sang, “chain, chain, chain, chain of fools…” I don’t know about it being a chain of fools any more. Maybe just ONE fool and a chain of mistakes. Last night I had a really un-fun dream. I dreamed about the men I’ve been married to or lived with. If you’re wondering about the number, it is 4.
The dream was no fun. I woke up at the point where I was remonstrating with the Evil X over something. Normally anything having to do with the Evil X means it’s time to get up. Shudder. My subconscious knows perfectly well that I don’t want to keep sleeping to see how “things turn out.” Ugh.
I guess all older people look back on their lives and see their mistakes and where they could have made a different, better, choice. Such back looking is unfair because THAT person who made those choices doesn’t know as much about life as does the person looking back. They haven’t lived through it and found out the ending. I know NOW what I only sensed back then that what I really wanted from life was dogs, hiking, nature, wild animals, travel, painting and writing. A fella’ who could jump into that would have been great, but I didn’t know myself well enough and, maybe, there’s no such fella’. It took 60 years for me to know/accept this about myself.
Ultimately the most important relationship in our lives is the one we have with ourselves.
In relationships that HAVE worked out, Teddy and I headed out to the Big Empty yesterday because 1) it wasn’t especially cold, 2) there was little wind to speak of. When we arrived a car was parked in the middle of the road and my first reaction was normal, “WTF?” but then as I got closer I remembered the season and, sure enough, not far from the road a small group of cranes was doing whatever it is they do at 10 am. The car moved ahead and then I saw, on the other side of the road, a bigger group of cranes. I stopped to roll down my window and take the featured photo, and just then dozens flew over my car.
Teddy and I had a beautiful time and, to confirm that, the last song playing on Mohammed’s radio was… You have to look at the radio but you might be able to guess from Teddy’s smile.
“Summer is the season of inferior sledding” - Inuit proverb 
We all make choices and at each of those times, even with nagging doubts, we think it is the best decision. Hindsight is fabulous but not always helpful. I agree with you, I think you can never be fully happy unless you have a good relationship with yourself. I hope your week is full of happy crane spotting!
Thank you! I might be having a houseguest which would be great but godnose what the weather is up to these days. The passes are not yet fully open — a couple are, but two of them aren’t. Insane.
Hopefully the weather will cooperate!
Fingers crossed!!!
No Counting on anything these days,important to adapt and improv as needed
You’re right! There’s a part of me that just kind of rests in not caring what happens. I think that’s good. 🙂
It’s very liberating
And accurate, I think. 😀
Love seeing your crane photos again – these look like they are at a meeting. 🙂
Looking back is irresistible at our age, but you’re right, that younger version had no perspective to make a choice like we might make now. And who knows what the “road not taken” would have led to…might not like that either!
I have read several books (can’t recall the titles) where the storyline goes in different directions in each chapter depending on a different choice the main character makes at a specific point in life. Really interesting.
Borges wrote a really cool and mysterious short story about that called “The Garden of the Forking Paths.” Sometimes I think what my life would have been if I’d gone in a different direction a couple of times and overall I don’t think I would have liked those trajectories. I think I’ve lived my right life. 🙂
Thanks for the recommendation. If I remember the title of the book I read, I’ll let you know. Yes, considering all the “what ifs” of alternate lives, I think I have lived the right one too. No sense pondering regrets.
No sense at all!
Good post and nice pictures
I also have many regrets as I look back over decisions I’ve made and actions I’ve taken — or not taken. Some look so obviously stupid after — and did to everyone else at the time, I’m sure. But we seem to be able to jump over reservations and convince ourselves “this will work” or “this will turn out for the best.” It’s like a veil tossed over our head briefly; in retrospect we can see clearly — and groan!
However, what’s done is done. I have to remind myself often that God is the God of today.
The veil is a very good analogy and yes. sometimes I feel like God is telling me, “You have had things to figure out, Martha. Let’s go forward.”
I had a similar thought this week. Re-mulling over a 30+yrs mistake I could hardly forgive myself for, feeling the voice of God saying, “Time to forgive yourself and let it go.”
You that thing about taking it to God? That’s what I often find myself doing on my walks at the Refuge. Sometimes I hear, “You did the best you could, little one. And then I think our lives are not just this day and this day and this day. We learn. I don’t know if that makes sense. But I look at that young woman and I see her with compassion and I’m grateful for that. We all have stuff that blinds us as we go along, I think. And maybe there’s a reason for it. God’s right. We don’t blame a blind guy for not being able to see. ❤️
The looking back for me usually results in walking into a pole or post! Fortunately I don’t have many regrets (and none of them concerning love)… I love that Teddy is so happy in the photo (and I know that you love that he’s a happy dog too)