“Lamont, why are you brandishing that sword? WTF?” “It’s plastic, Dude. I found it on the beach. Must’ve washed up from a movie set or something up north.” “I was thinking, Lamont.” “Good for you.” “Ha ha, I mean the way the continents slide around the planet and the way magnetic north changes from time … Continue reading Lamont and Dude Consider Life in Pre-dinosaur Antarctica
“Lamont, you consider yourself to be wise, right? I mean after all our iterations, you figure you can go on Oprah and set everyone straight.” “I wasn’t wise there, Dude. I forgot two main things about human beings. 1) They like to set everyone else straight and 2) They don’t like their comfort threatened. I … Continue reading Lamont and Dude Discuss Wisdom
“‘sssup, Lamont?” “Looking for a job where I can work from home. But really, Dude, nothing looks appealing. You really lucked out at the museum, Dude.” “I know. How many positions even EXIST for a former Smilodon to wear a Smilodon suit all day and get paid for it?” “I meant the little trailer where … Continue reading Lamont and Dude Ponder Employment and Take On a Rescue Mission
“Dude, what’s wrong? You look unlike yourself. You’re not sick, are you?” “I’m depressed, Lamont.” “Ah. Well, the old Weltschmerz had to hit in one lifetime or another. You’ll rally.” “Yeah, I know. Do you remember ANY of our other human iterations? I don’t. I’ve been sitting here thinking about that and trying to get … Continue reading Lamont and Dude Contend with Quotidian Angst
“Did you see this? I think the National Geographic has it in for us.” “Yeah.” “I don’t remember skipping through a meadow with a flower between my teeth chasing butterflies.” “I’ve thought about that dumb illustration and I think they’re just trying to hit home the point that we were not, you know, thunder lizards.” … Continue reading Lamont and Dude Ponder Satirizing the Times in which We Live
“Dude?” “Did you see this National Geographic?” “OH yeah. Those scientists. You gotta’ love them.” “They say we were misunderstood.” “I think they said we ARE misunderstood. You know. Hollywood. OK by me. I’m human now which just proves reincarnation is a lottery, and you can’t win ’em all.” “You read it then?” “Yeah. I … Continue reading Lamont and Dude Ponder the National Geographic
“What’s that, Dude?” “Isn’t this lovely?” “Uh-oh.” “Uh-oh what?” “Yeah, they’re cute but seriously, Dude. After a few craft beers, a few afternoons grilling steaks or veggie-burgers here on the patio, it always falls apart for you. Can’t you understand the essential problem for us in the human mating game this go-around is WE KNOW … Continue reading Lamont and Dude Contemplate Romantic Love
“Well, they’ve ‘found out’ that dinosaurs evolved into birds, that Velociraptors were ‘short’ — that’s relative, isn’t it? — and we laid blue eggs.” “Amusing isn’t it?” “Yep. Listen to this, ‘…look at Velociraptors, which are among the most misunderstood “terror lizards” yet. A far cry from the large, scaly pack hunters depicted in Jurassic Park, real Velociraptors were solitary … Continue reading Lamont and Dude Discuss the Big Five
“Ha ha ha ha!” “What’s so funny, Lamont?” “Like size = power. Ha ha ha!” “What are you reading that’s so fucking funny?” “Just got this in my email. Check it out. ‘…A Velociraptor that was more turkey than terror…’” “Guess they were never chased by a turkey.” “Don’t you love the way humans figure everything out … Continue reading Lamont and Dude Discuss Recent Discoveries
“Lamont, do you remember vanquishing anything?” “Well, I vanquished you that time you were a salmon. You were delicious. For that matter, I guess when you were a young Smilodon and I was an aged mammoth, you vanquished me but…” “Doesn’t seem quite right, does it?” “Why not? It’s kill or be killed out there … Continue reading Lamont and Dude Discuss Victory
“Summer is the season of inferior sledding” - Inuit proverb 